Goodbye 2009,

Hello 2010. Overall, 2009 was pretty one of the best years I've had in a long time. Sure there were plenty of bad memories, when isn't there? But honestly, the good memories definitely made up for it. There were bittersweet moments, but I haven't felt that happy in such a long time. Summer was by far the best part of 2009. It was the most carefree and happy summer I've had in awhile, not to mention one of the longest. I've met so many people in 2009 that will forever change my life. Winter break was pretty amazing also. I went to my first real rock concert for PacTour with Saosin headlining! I really do hope 2010 will be even better.

Tuesday: Missed Anthony's dinner because I told Matt I would go bowling at AMF, and I didn't want to flake out last minute. It was fun, hadn't bowled in awhile, and boy do I suck. But I don't know, I was in a weird mood. It was nice seeing the few people I knew, ha. But...I just felt like I didn't belong. They all had like they're own little thing together and I was just like the outsider. Katelin, Alana, and Sam all have they're own thing and with Joe and Darin. I barely talk to Alana and Sam now, and I talk to Justin and Matt, but even that's inconsistent also. Left with Rachael, Arei, and Bradley after one game. They didn't really seem to want to be there also. Went to Patrick's bowling thing at Brunswick in Moval, haha. It was nice to seem them also. I told Itzel everything that's happened since we last talked. Went home before midnight because I had my behind the wheel the next morning.
Wednesday: Woke up at 8 and couldn't fall back asleep, had my test at 10:15. Woo, I passed. I'm only like 2 and a half years late...haha. Matt called and asked why I left, surprised he remembered...Went out with Norman and Itzel around 6ish and just got Coldstone cupcakes and looked around in Borders. Talked on the phone with Jennifer until like 4:30 in the morning, haha. I love that girl so much<3
Thursday: I wasn't sure if I should spend New Years with my family as I do every year or go to a party with Matt and Justin, or Tim's birthday party. In the end, I decided to spend it with my family. I love them, forever and a day.
Friday: Went back down to OC for my grandma's birthday and then aunt's house for January birthdays. Food is yummyyyy. Watched Sexdrive with the cousins, haha so funny, and then played around with Anthony's new camera. I can't wait until I get myself one!

I've got a brand new attitude and I'm going to wear it tonight...

Wake up call

this morning from Matt, talk about SUPER random. I'm surprised I heard it because my phone was on vibrate, haha. But yea, he asked me if I got egged last night, haha. I didn't hear him the first time because I was like half asleep and because that's just about the most random question to ask someone. I stayed on the phone with him for another like half hour. I go over to his house a few hours later and watch (500) Days of Summer and then go home and drove. I took Mom to the store and then drove around a bit more and then went home. I waited for Jennifer to text me when she was free to talk, and so I called her when she was. I randomly get a text from Rachael asking if I want to hookah, haha crazy girl. I tell her no, but I'll go hang out with her anyway. She picks me up in like 10 minutes after and we go to Sycamore Park. Oh my goodness, it was FREEZING. I couldn't feel anything, I was like literally numb. We just hung out and then went to get donuts and hot chocolate, haha. As usual, we drove around with Bradley and Ryan to explore and such. Jennifer called me on the phone and talked to her for like 10 minutes and then I got home and texted her for a bit. So much for sleeping early...haha.

I like

the smell of cologne. I guess I just like how guys smell in general, HAHAHA. Not in a creepy stalker way, but I love when you're with a guy and he smells good, haha.

Saturday: I went to Ontario Mills with Andrew because he wanted to get his Ray Bans. We walked around and then got annoyed with all the people so we left, haha. I got home and just relaxed the rest of the night.
Sunday: Just sat and did nothing. Practiced driving a bit and then went to church. I drove to church and back. Got home, ate dinner, and watched (500) Days of Summer.

Hahaha wow, you're both a joke. She especially. Was that really necessary? And she's telling you to be more mature? From the looks of it, looks like she needs to grow up. And she hates me for hanging out with you at night? She slept at a guy's house after a party while he has a girlfriend. Sorry sweetie, but in case you haven't realized, you're a slut. I didn't sleep at his house like you did. I'm surrounded by hypocrisy.

I love

my family, God, and my close friends. Christmas this year was fantastic. Things I received this year: PacTour concert, lotion, hand soap, black diamond earrings, clothes, food, a Target giftcard, an Abercrombie weekender duffle tote, bookends, and I think that's it? haha We did our usual for Christmas. Church, mom's side, then dad's side. I didn't sleep until about 5 and woke up on and off and finally got up at about 11:40. I had breakfast and talked to Jimmy James Inglett for a little. It was nice hearing from him, such a sweet guy, I miss him. After, I went to the park with Matthew, John, Jayson, and Tanya and we played tennis and ultimate frisbee and such. It was a nice day out, and I honestly love the park. OH, and Tanya had me drive Randy's car back from John's all by myself because she was in her car. I can't parallel park to save my life, HAHA. But hey, Tanya said I did just fine driving, and I managed to park straight, haha. We came back to Chu Vinh's house and we just lounged around and watched the Victoria's Secret fashion show and played Cranium. After, we made s'mores outside in the backyard :) <3 Gah, next week is my last full week. I'm so sad :(

What a joke,

yea, that's what you are. You've got some nerve, you know that? How dare you put it all on me, saying I show up uninvited and threw myself on you. You've got to be kidding me, right? In case you don't remember clearly, it was YOU who texted me and asked to hang out after you got out of class. That's not my personality, to throw myself at someone. You're full of yourself. Ha, and you said you missed me last night, you're funny. She's a joke too. In case you haven't realized, she's a slut and jumps on the next guy she sees. Haha she hates me, it's quite funny actually, but hey, I'm not the one with the reputation. You two are a match made in heaven. But hey, I guess you were kind of honest sometimes. She knew about us hanging out, I guess I got to give you some credit.

Tuesday: I had lunch with Kristine at Red Robin and we talked and caught up. I love lunch dates<3 Chilled for the rest of the night. This guy named Drew Dominguez asked me for my number, and because it being me, I didn't know how to say no. So weird. He keeps saying I'm cute and all this stuff, and calling me a nerd and saying that he likes nerds, basically like flirting.
Wednesday: Mariah came over and we just hung out, did our usual- eat, watch movies, and whatever else we come up with. Haha gotta love her<3 She left around like 6/7ish to go to church and I wrapped presents after. Rachael texted me asking what I'm doing and that she'd let me know if she goes out. Haven't heard from her, so I take that as a no? Haha so I think I'm staying in and maybe talk on the phone with Jennifer?!

A week and a half left of break. I want to absorb and soak up as much as I can before it's back to reality. Overall, 2009 has been pretty kind to me, so much better than 2008 that's fersure.

You Are Not Alone

Someone out there is probably experiencing something similar. So don't give up, you'll make it out.

Saturday: Drove down around 11ish and got dropped off at Co Thuy's house and hung out with Amanda for about an hour. Went to Co Vi's house for a bit, then walked to Tastea with Kory and then confession and church with P1. We had a fish burrito and then went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping.
Sunday: Went to church again and then lunch after with Co Vi, Kevin, Kory, and Kyle. Ran some errands after and then just hung out. Got ready for the concert and had some dinner, and off we left at about 6:30 for the House of Blues! Opening band was Eye Alaska, followed by P.O.S, Innerpartysystem, and finally Saosin! They were all so amazing! Words cannot describe how amazing of a time I had. I'm so glad that the PacTour was my first concert! I want to go see The Used/Atreyu in January and Mayday Parade in February!
Monday: Woke up and helped Kyle make a gingerbread house, haha. Then went to breakfast? lunch? with the cousins<3 then Tastea after. Drove with Anthony, Kevin, Bao, Priscilla, and Jayson back home and picked up P2, then off to Cabazon! Bought a Coach wristlet thing for P3, first credit card transaction! haha got back at about 6. I ate and then left for Itzel's about an hour later. So great to see everyone! Caught up and hung out, so nice to see all these familiar faces<3 Stayed until about 12:40 and went with Konnor and Will to In-N-Out and then they dropped me off.

Mhmm, so I was right, wasn't I? I haven't heard from you since Thursday, and that wasn't even planned; we just happened to be at the same place. Ha, how did I know? You know, it hurts when people you thought were your friends aren't really in the end. I had a feeling it was going to come down to this, it kind of started beginning of senior year, but it got better towards the end of the year, or maybe it was just me. We've barely spoken. I asked to hang out over Thanksgiving weekend, and I've been the one to initiate the conversations before. You knew I was going to be home, yet you did't bother to ask to hang out. You didn't tell me you were back and apparently had a party, and didn't invite me. I don't care, but I thought you were my friend. Clearly I was wrong I guess? Or maybe I'm overreacting. But at the same time, you've told everyone aside from me what you're up to and ask to hang out. I'm not going to care anymore. If you want to hang out, you can call me because you know I'm in California. Miles don't mean anything.

Bittersweet,

that's how I'm feeling about things right now. Once again, I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster.

Thursday: I went to North to watch the girls' water polo match. It was nice seeing some of the girls and just hanging out with Tiffany<3
Friday: I woke up at 7:19ish to go to classes with Kristine, haha. I feel so out of place and everything. It was really nice to see everyone again though. I kind of miss highschool, but not really. I miss a lot of people. It's sad to think back on that I used to be close to so many people, but they're no longer a part of my life. But I'm not going to dwell, there's a reason they're not in my future. I'm not going to cry because it's over, but I'm going to smile because it happened. I hang out with Maddi, Mariah, Rachael, and Rachael's brother David and we end up crashing at my house and just hanging out.

I can't find the words to describe how I feel right now. I'm nostalgic, disappointed, frustrated. I've never had such a low GPA before. My grades seemed to be the one thing that went right in my life. If I ever struggled with volleyball or was upset about anything or things just weren't looking my way, at least I had good grades. Now it just seems...mediocre. I can only hope next quarter I do better, A LOT better. I've learned my mistakes and gotten a feel of things. I'm more determined than ever. And nevermind, I think, well more like pretty sure, that things will be back to the way it was after this week. I just know it, I can tell. Are you enjoying yourself? I'm sure you are because I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing. I was just convenient for you, someone you'd resort to when you had nothing else to do. You really can be such a prick, I'm not defending or denying it anymore. Go have a happy life, I'm done.