My Life in a Nutcase

I think I'm finally adjusted to college. But then again, is it because my classes are easier than others? I don't know, but as for now, I think I'm good. I can handle it. I'm taking one day at a time. I just need to remember to breathe, to not lose myself in this whirlwind and craze. Thank goodness for the beautiful weather. It's my kind of weather, and I've missed it terribly. For me, it's just absolutely perfect. I've taken advantage of by going to the park. On Wednesday, my first trip to the park, this grad student that looks like Justin Bobby from The Hills or Jay from The City came up and asked to sit down. So he did and started rolling up some tobacco to smoke. He asks me questions and then proceeds to tell he thinks I'm cute and wants to take me out, AFTER he asked what year I am. It's weird, nice I guess, but weird...HAHA

I can't seem to put my finger on it. I don't know why it bothers me so much or why I'm affected by it. It wasn't that long, but I guess because it's quality, not quantity. It felt different, and I trusted you, but you seem to have taken advantage and abused that trust? I don't know how to describe it. I wonder if you realized what you were doing, what your intentions were. You seemed different, special, so I took a chance, a risk. I didn't want to fall, but it happened. It's been a whiplash since. You'd be the sweetest person ever, then ignore me. I shouldn't have let it happen, but knowing me, I just went along with it. I just don't understand why, and how it seemed to just have changed within that one weekend. I have an idea, and so I wonder if we had hung out if it would've been different. I wanted you to decide and I guess you did, I just wish I had an explanation or something. I think what really bothers me is that I felt like I lost a friend, because you were becoming one of my closest friends, almost like my best friend to a certain I extent I guess. You were the first person that came to mind whenever I something happened, like the first person I would tell and turn to. I feel like such an idiot, a fool, but I deserve better than this, not these little mixed signals and mind games, manipulation or being led on.