Wake up call

this morning from Matt, talk about SUPER random. I'm surprised I heard it because my phone was on vibrate, haha. But yea, he asked me if I got egged last night, haha. I didn't hear him the first time because I was like half asleep and because that's just about the most random question to ask someone. I stayed on the phone with him for another like half hour. I go over to his house a few hours later and watch (500) Days of Summer and then go home and drove. I took Mom to the store and then drove around a bit more and then went home. I waited for Jennifer to text me when she was free to talk, and so I called her when she was. I randomly get a text from Rachael asking if I want to hookah, haha crazy girl. I tell her no, but I'll go hang out with her anyway. She picks me up in like 10 minutes after and we go to Sycamore Park. Oh my goodness, it was FREEZING. I couldn't feel anything, I was like literally numb. We just hung out and then went to get donuts and hot chocolate, haha. As usual, we drove around with Bradley and Ryan to explore and such. Jennifer called me on the phone and talked to her for like 10 minutes and then I got home and texted her for a bit. So much for sleeping early...haha.

I like

the smell of cologne. I guess I just like how guys smell in general, HAHAHA. Not in a creepy stalker way, but I love when you're with a guy and he smells good, haha.

Saturday: I went to Ontario Mills with Andrew because he wanted to get his Ray Bans. We walked around and then got annoyed with all the people so we left, haha. I got home and just relaxed the rest of the night.
Sunday: Just sat and did nothing. Practiced driving a bit and then went to church. I drove to church and back. Got home, ate dinner, and watched (500) Days of Summer.

Hahaha wow, you're both a joke. She especially. Was that really necessary? And she's telling you to be more mature? From the looks of it, looks like she needs to grow up. And she hates me for hanging out with you at night? She slept at a guy's house after a party while he has a girlfriend. Sorry sweetie, but in case you haven't realized, you're a slut. I didn't sleep at his house like you did. I'm surrounded by hypocrisy.

I love

my family, God, and my close friends. Christmas this year was fantastic. Things I received this year: PacTour concert, lotion, hand soap, black diamond earrings, clothes, food, a Target giftcard, an Abercrombie weekender duffle tote, bookends, and I think that's it? haha We did our usual for Christmas. Church, mom's side, then dad's side. I didn't sleep until about 5 and woke up on and off and finally got up at about 11:40. I had breakfast and talked to Jimmy James Inglett for a little. It was nice hearing from him, such a sweet guy, I miss him. After, I went to the park with Matthew, John, Jayson, and Tanya and we played tennis and ultimate frisbee and such. It was a nice day out, and I honestly love the park. OH, and Tanya had me drive Randy's car back from John's all by myself because she was in her car. I can't parallel park to save my life, HAHA. But hey, Tanya said I did just fine driving, and I managed to park straight, haha. We came back to Chu Vinh's house and we just lounged around and watched the Victoria's Secret fashion show and played Cranium. After, we made s'mores outside in the backyard :) <3 Gah, next week is my last full week. I'm so sad :(

What a joke,

yea, that's what you are. You've got some nerve, you know that? How dare you put it all on me, saying I show up uninvited and threw myself on you. You've got to be kidding me, right? In case you don't remember clearly, it was YOU who texted me and asked to hang out after you got out of class. That's not my personality, to throw myself at someone. You're full of yourself. Ha, and you said you missed me last night, you're funny. She's a joke too. In case you haven't realized, she's a slut and jumps on the next guy she sees. Haha she hates me, it's quite funny actually, but hey, I'm not the one with the reputation. You two are a match made in heaven. But hey, I guess you were kind of honest sometimes. She knew about us hanging out, I guess I got to give you some credit.

Tuesday: I had lunch with Kristine at Red Robin and we talked and caught up. I love lunch dates<3 Chilled for the rest of the night. This guy named Drew Dominguez asked me for my number, and because it being me, I didn't know how to say no. So weird. He keeps saying I'm cute and all this stuff, and calling me a nerd and saying that he likes nerds, basically like flirting.
Wednesday: Mariah came over and we just hung out, did our usual- eat, watch movies, and whatever else we come up with. Haha gotta love her<3 She left around like 6/7ish to go to church and I wrapped presents after. Rachael texted me asking what I'm doing and that she'd let me know if she goes out. Haven't heard from her, so I take that as a no? Haha so I think I'm staying in and maybe talk on the phone with Jennifer?!

A week and a half left of break. I want to absorb and soak up as much as I can before it's back to reality. Overall, 2009 has been pretty kind to me, so much better than 2008 that's fersure.

You Are Not Alone

Someone out there is probably experiencing something similar. So don't give up, you'll make it out.

Saturday: Drove down around 11ish and got dropped off at Co Thuy's house and hung out with Amanda for about an hour. Went to Co Vi's house for a bit, then walked to Tastea with Kory and then confession and church with P1. We had a fish burrito and then went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping.
Sunday: Went to church again and then lunch after with Co Vi, Kevin, Kory, and Kyle. Ran some errands after and then just hung out. Got ready for the concert and had some dinner, and off we left at about 6:30 for the House of Blues! Opening band was Eye Alaska, followed by P.O.S, Innerpartysystem, and finally Saosin! They were all so amazing! Words cannot describe how amazing of a time I had. I'm so glad that the PacTour was my first concert! I want to go see The Used/Atreyu in January and Mayday Parade in February!
Monday: Woke up and helped Kyle make a gingerbread house, haha. Then went to breakfast? lunch? with the cousins<3 then Tastea after. Drove with Anthony, Kevin, Bao, Priscilla, and Jayson back home and picked up P2, then off to Cabazon! Bought a Coach wristlet thing for P3, first credit card transaction! haha got back at about 6. I ate and then left for Itzel's about an hour later. So great to see everyone! Caught up and hung out, so nice to see all these familiar faces<3 Stayed until about 12:40 and went with Konnor and Will to In-N-Out and then they dropped me off.

Mhmm, so I was right, wasn't I? I haven't heard from you since Thursday, and that wasn't even planned; we just happened to be at the same place. Ha, how did I know? You know, it hurts when people you thought were your friends aren't really in the end. I had a feeling it was going to come down to this, it kind of started beginning of senior year, but it got better towards the end of the year, or maybe it was just me. We've barely spoken. I asked to hang out over Thanksgiving weekend, and I've been the one to initiate the conversations before. You knew I was going to be home, yet you did't bother to ask to hang out. You didn't tell me you were back and apparently had a party, and didn't invite me. I don't care, but I thought you were my friend. Clearly I was wrong I guess? Or maybe I'm overreacting. But at the same time, you've told everyone aside from me what you're up to and ask to hang out. I'm not going to care anymore. If you want to hang out, you can call me because you know I'm in California. Miles don't mean anything.

Bittersweet,

that's how I'm feeling about things right now. Once again, I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster.

Thursday: I went to North to watch the girls' water polo match. It was nice seeing some of the girls and just hanging out with Tiffany<3
Friday: I woke up at 7:19ish to go to classes with Kristine, haha. I feel so out of place and everything. It was really nice to see everyone again though. I kind of miss highschool, but not really. I miss a lot of people. It's sad to think back on that I used to be close to so many people, but they're no longer a part of my life. But I'm not going to dwell, there's a reason they're not in my future. I'm not going to cry because it's over, but I'm going to smile because it happened. I hang out with Maddi, Mariah, Rachael, and Rachael's brother David and we end up crashing at my house and just hanging out.

I can't find the words to describe how I feel right now. I'm nostalgic, disappointed, frustrated. I've never had such a low GPA before. My grades seemed to be the one thing that went right in my life. If I ever struggled with volleyball or was upset about anything or things just weren't looking my way, at least I had good grades. Now it just seems...mediocre. I can only hope next quarter I do better, A LOT better. I've learned my mistakes and gotten a feel of things. I'm more determined than ever. And nevermind, I think, well more like pretty sure, that things will be back to the way it was after this week. I just know it, I can tell. Are you enjoying yourself? I'm sure you are because I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing. I was just convenient for you, someone you'd resort to when you had nothing else to do. You really can be such a prick, I'm not defending or denying it anymore. Go have a happy life, I'm done.

"Happiness is like

a warm puppy" :)

Mhmm, once again, today was a good day! I caught up with Nikki a bit! Oh how I've missed her<3 I can't wait until we finally get to hang out after all this time. I had lunch at 3 with Erica and Itzel. I love those two so much. Itzel leaves around 5:15ish to take her last final and Erica and I continue hanging out at Borders talking. I wish I got to see her more, not just the holidays. I come home at around 6. Andrew wanted to go see Zombieland, but I need to buy Christmas presents first, so I told him after Christmas, haha. He wants to stall some time before going home so he picks me up and takes me to see the Festival of Lights because he's in like shock that I have never gone, haha. And my goodness, it was beautiful! I need to go back more often and get pictures of it! So yea, we walk around and look at everything and run into Samantha Molina. Andrew drops me off at Matt's house and he was starting to cook because he was hungry, so I helped him. I washed and peeled potatoes, and he did the rest of the cooking, haha. He made steak, mash potatoes, and corn with carrots and asparagus, yum! We watched Titanic as we ate. I missed Titanic! I can't remember the last time I've seen it. His parents come home and say hi to his mom. I can't believe she remembers me, it's been awhile since I've been over with her there, haaa.

I know looking back like a few months from now and I'm going to be thinking, "wow, I was so pathetic and stupid and annoying," haaa. But for now, I'm loving winter break and going with the flow. I know after winter break it'll be like before I came home, nonexistent. I'm living life with no regrets and doing things for myself.

Winter Break

is starting off well. (: finding out my grades was not the best thing, but aside from all that, it's great. This break is just want I needed.
Saturday: I went to a family wedding. I was running on like 4 hours of sleep, so I just napped every now and then whenever I got the chance, haha. Family time is happy time!
Sunday: Bummed it for the first half of the day, then went to church at 5:15 with Itzel at St. Catherine's. Ran into Tiffany, so we stayed and chit-chatted a bit :D I love those two; they never fail to put a smile on my face. Talked to Itzel about things, as usual, haha, then went home. Rachael texts me to watch Ninja Assassins at 8:15, so I go, and yay, for free. Thanks Jatearra! You're the best. It was like the most brutal and gory movie, I can't believe I sat through it all, and I actually liked the movie! Maybe it was also just because I was with Rachael, because I always love spending time with her, haha.
Monday: Again, bummed it for the afternooon, then went to pick up Polly from school and went to Target. Got home and chilled for a bit. I randomly got a phonecall from Conor; accident pocket call, but I talked to him for like 5 minutes, via text, it was kind of nice... then went to Matt's, haa. I met his brother and his girlfriend. We watched My Best Friend's Girl and then I read The Giving Tree, cute book :) Went home around like 12:30ish because we were both kind of tired, which is like earliest I've ever gone home from his place, haa. We're supposed to watch Titanic still, but who knows when. I told him to text me whenever he's free and not with his girlfriend, haa.

I find it ironic that you'll ask me if Alana and I randomly starting talking again and all that stuff, because in case you didn't notice, that's what you did also. It's been a couple of months since we last talked, right before you got with her, and then after I leave you one simple comment, you ask me to hang out that night. And from that point on, you continue to talk to me. I know I'm probably looking too much into it as I always do, but I just find it weird. You text me Friday asking what I'm up to for the night, and say you are bored out of your mind. I ask why you're not with your girlfriend, and you say 'because I don't feel like it." Funny, you have nothing to do, so you text me asking what I'm doing, but I'm busy. Most guys want to spend time with their girlfriends whenever possible, especially when there's nothing for them to do, but you 'don't feel like it,' but you'll ask me? That makes no sense, at least to me that is. I'm also puzzled as to why my picture is still in your album? The picture you took of her at her practice and the flower for her has been taken down, but you keep mine? Again, that's an odd thing to do- to take down the picture for and of your girlfriend, but keep a picture of another girl (me) up. I know nothing's going to happen, but I just can't make sense of it, because it doesn't. You text while we hang out, and I know it's probably her, just like when it was Katelin. It really bothers me when you do because I feel like you'd rather be elsewhere, talking to whoever it is. I'm just going to go with the flow of things; not expect anything or get my hopes up or fall again. You even said so yourself, you've 'never had a problem of getting over a girl.' Yea, obviously, I already know that. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're friends and I'm fine with it, honestly, it's just puzzling and odd, that's all...really. Oh well!

And the year finishes up with...

I'm so glad I'm on winter break. It's been needed. The like 11 weeks of fall quarter flew by, but going through it felt so slow. College is definitely different from highschool, but I like it. I'm ready to grow up, to challenge myself. I'm changing everything next quarter. I struggled this quarter, and I'm not making the same mistakes as last quarter. College has a way of making you feel so low sometimes. I've never felt this way in my life, and I'm determined to changed that. I'm not letting ANYTHING get in the way of my education and future.

Winter break has started off wonderfully so far. I left my room at like 9 and drove home. I ate with my sister and cousins and then I went to Matt's house, haa. It was random...but we did like our usual. We played Guitar Hero and then saw What Happens in Vegas and listened to music. We didn't realize it was like 2:30 before I left. Thursday, I didn't wake up until like 11:30, haha. I just sat on the couch and bummed it for the afternoon. My sister comes home and the doorbell rings, so I open it. And BAM, it's Kristine. It made me so happy. I love random surprises, especially from people I love and miss. I've missed her terribly<3 She stayed for a bit and we hung out as we used to. She left around like 6:30ish to do homework and such. Friday, received texts from Itzel and Jennifer! Picked up Mariah at North and said hi to Richard and Ms. Biernetzky. Mariah came over and we hung out, and Itzel came to say hi and we ended up talking for like an hour, haha. I love Itzel<3 Rachael picked us up to go to this kickback, haha. I love hanging out with Rachael, Madisyn, and Mariah.

You walked out as easily as you walked in. You came back in as easily as you left. What did I just get myself into? And what am I to think? Oh right, we're just friends.